Damaged Beyond Repair
by HR always live on
Summary: Set late series ten (but no death!), a Harry and Ruth multi chapter fic. Not very happy either. Forgive me for what I'm doing to Ruth! Possibly complete.
1. Damaged

**I am working on the next chapter of More Together, but this scene wouldn't leave me, so I wrote this first. I don't really expect anyone to like this but here goes... Set in the latter half of series ten, with one major difference.**

* * *

Ruth closed her eyes, dreading what was coming today. Harry was going to visit her at home, and unless she fancied a picked lock or a broken door she would have to let him in. She'd avoided speaking to Harry frankly since she'd been discharged from hospital. She didn't want to shout or get angry, and since the bomb explosion she'd been doing both without warning, almost unable to control her emotions. He'd only spoken to her briefly about her leaving Thames House officially and the very respectable pension they were offering her, as opposed to the Home Office where she'd been for less than a fortnight so would get nothing.

When he had signed her off nothing more was said than was absolutely necessary between them. But volumes had been spoken behind their eyes, sadness and regret at the forefront. She had spoken in monosyllables, not wanting to have a conversation with him. After a few minutes Harry had got the point and simply taken the form that she'd signed for her resignation before leaving her alone, much to her relief.

If only she hadn't done as Harry asked a few weeks before. She looked back on that almost with desperation. That stupid laptop computer that she had gone into the American embassy to steal for Harry. On Harry's orders. And then the bomb had gone off. The bomb that neither MI5 nor the CIA had detected had been in there in the first place. Ruth wondered if she hadn't been so distracted with how she felt about Harry and the mess of the Gavirk's whether she'd have found the bomb or not. And if she had, she would no longer be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

She had been buried in the rubble for about four hours until they'd found her, and she'd been conscious the whole time. Wondering if she'd ever be discovered or if she'd actually die there, trapped and bleeding to death. At the hospital they'd immediately put her under and it was only when she woke up two days later, groggy from the medication that she realised her right leg had been amputated.

Whenever she thought of exactly what had happened to her, only because she'd been doing a favour for Harry who she loved more than what was wise, she got so frustrated that she was likely to break whatever she was holding. Ruth shook her head to try and clear the horrible thoughts out of her mind. At that moment the doorbell rang. "Impeccable timing Harry," she said under her breath. Wheeling through to the door she unlocked it quickly, another surge of frustration as she had to reach up for the lock. She didn't even look at Harry, instead she just wheeled back through to the living room, waiting for him to follow her. This was not a conversation she wanted to have but she knew she had no choice as Harry looked at her and she felt like she was almost withering under his gaze. But she would hold her ground. She was the one who had to live in a stupid wheelchair.

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**I do have a semi plan for this one, so if its not too much trouble can you please leave a review? Thanks. (How horrible am I for amputating Ruth's leg? Sorry!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the great reviews! Really means a lot to me. I have done some research but I apologise if I have anything incorrect.**

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Harry looked at Ruth and felt eminently sad. He hated seeing her in a wheelchair, but more than that, he hated the look of defeat that was on her face. Like she'd given up. He knew perfectly well that if he hadn't asked Ruth for a favour that day then she wouldn't have been in the American Embassy. She wouldn't have been trapped in the same building with a bomb and she would still have both her legs. Guilt didn't even cover how he felt about it. He had begged the surgeons to save her leg, begged and pleaded but it had done no good. They had told him that the nerve damage was too extensive and her leg was too far crushed to save. There was nothing they could do.

Harry privately thought that she was relatively lucky. But he had been the one who had spent more than two days thinking she was dead or going to die. So the fact that she was breathing was a positive in his eyes. But he wasn't fool enough to voice it. She had simply woken up with her leg gone and hadn't seen that it could have been so much worse. That she could have died. Not that he blamed her. He couldn't even imagine how it would hurt him to be immobilised like that. "How are you?"

"Oh fantastic," Ruth said sarcastically. "I've had one of my limbs sawn off but that happens all the time." She glared at him but Harry hid the fact that he was almost happy to hear her talk like this. She wasn't speaking in monosyllables and she was at least showing some emotion, even if it was anger and sarcasm. It was an improvement from staring at the floor and ignoring him completely.

"You don't need the chair," Harry said quietly.

"Oh perfect, I'll just hop around the house on one leg," Ruth said. "That sounds ideal."

"None of this is ideal," Harry said. She looked at him, her eyes burning, but she didn't look away. "I meant you could use your crutches."

"I hate them," Ruth said with passion.

"You're being stubborn," he said.

Ruth glared at him again before admitting something quietly. "They hurt. My arms aren't used to carrying my own weight around the house. The crutches make my arms hurt. Happy now?"

"Far from it."

"What do you want Harry?" Ruth asked simply. "Why are you here?"

"I miss you," he said quietly. "I just… do. And I want to make sure you're alright. I want to help."

"You can't help me," she said firmly. "Nothing you do will make my leg grow back."

"I know that," he said. "Look, I can sense you don't want me here, but I have to know that you can take care of yourself. I'll worry that you'll hurt yourself. Will you just show me that you can stand up if you need to? Please."

"My crutches are in the kitchen," she said in an icy cold voice. He quickly left to get them while Ruth felt what was left of her leg through the material of her skirt. They'd cut it so she had about half her thigh left. But without the rest of her leg it just felt like a gruesome stump rather than anything else. She hated it with a passion. Harry came back in and handed her the crutches.

"Do you want some help?"

"No." Ruth got up on her one foot, supporting herself on the crutches. "Are you happy now?"

"I'll go shall I?" Harry said sadly.

"Don't look so depressed," Ruth said bitterly. "Its not you who has to live on one leg."

"Ruth I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't make me walk!" Ruth shouted. "Sorry doesn't make it all better. This is all your fault! I'd never have been in the stupid building if I hadn't been clearing up your mess!" She tried to hit him, but to do that she had to walk a step closer to him and she lost her balance. "Oh bloody hell!" Harry caught her before she hit the floor. "I hate this," she whispered. And then she burst into tears. He held her close as she cried, stroking her hair softly. "I'm sorry," she said in between sobs. "I know its not your fault, I'm just so angry all the time."

"Its okay," he said quietly, soothing her. He knew she just needed someone to blame. And he personally did feel like it was his fault. So when she said the same thing it hurt and it cut him deep. He had no idea how long they stood there, Ruth leaning on him in more ways than one. Eventually she straightened up, a hand on Harry's arm to steady herself as she wiped her eyes.

"You need to go," Ruth said quietly. "Your mobile's been ringing. You're being a gentleman and not answering it."

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked softly.

"As I'll ever be," she said sadly. "Go, I know you're needed." She managed to sit back in her wheelchair without further incident.

"I'll call later," he said firmly. Ruth nodded as he left and she locked the door behind him. With a sigh she rolled her chair into the kitchen. She was hungry.

* * *

"Erin, what is it?" Harry asked as he walked to his car. He wasn't in a mood for pointless distractions. He was in a dark deep pit of despair and would like to stay there, wallowing in his own grief for Ruth's loss.

"Harry, I'm sorry to disturb you. How's Ruth?"

"Devastated," Harry said shortly. "She can't get used to the fact that she can't get around any longer. What do you want?"

"We have the reports from the American embassy. Callum hacked in to CIA and got them for us. About the building explosion. I think you'll want to come and read it for yourself."

"I'm on my way." Harry put the phone down and drove to Thames House quickly.

He didn't realise that Ruth had been watching him from her kitchen window. When he'd left the street she dropped the curtain and turned back to her toaster. For some reason she felt a loss without his presence that she hadn't expected to feel. He hadn't looked at her with disdain or disgust at all and he hadn't made her feel inadequate. (Any more so than she felt herself.) He'd been a gentleman and let her cry all over him when he could have walked away. It was nothing like she had expected to experience from him. He'd surprised her. But she didn't know what she should do from this point on.

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**I hope this is okay. Very nervous about taking HR in such a different direction, so the encouragement was wonderful. Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the really encouraging reviews for the last chapter. So pleased this is going over well. Ruth is less angry in this chapter, but she can't be mad all the time...**

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"Erin, it's a hundred pages long," Harry said flicking through the report. "No matter how much I read it, it won't make Ruth any better."

"Read the conclusion then," Erin said. "Trust me, you need to read it."

"How's the new Home Secretary?" Harry asked as he thumbed to the part of the report in question.

"Jameson, while named after a whisky, is young and perfectly acceptable," Erin said. "And we can bend him to our way of thinking too. Better than Towers for us at any rate. Not that I would have wished him dead, but as he is…"

"Well, I'm glad we can get on with him," Harry said. "Towers funeral was not a fun event. I bet he hates the Americans even more in the afterlife after being killed on their home turf."

"I'm sure," Erin said, leaving Harry's office. Harry started to read the report but his heart wasn't in it. Instead he was thinking about how Towers had died in that explosion in the American embassy. If Ruth had been where she was supposed to be would she have died too? He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't realise what he was reading. He frowned and had another look at it.

When he'd read the conclusion three times he called through to Erin. "Does this say what I think it does?" he asked calmly.

"Yes."

"I need to go," he said firmly. "I have to talk to Ruth."

"I'll cover for you," Erin said with a smile.

"Thank you." Harry quickly put his coat on and left the grid, ignoring the fact he'd been there for less than twenty minutes.

* * *

Ruth's doorbell rang as she was speaking on the phone. "No, can you hold on a second," Ruth said as she wheeled her chair through to the door. Unlocking it she was surprised to see Harry there, but she let him in and carried on her conversation, not particularly caring that it was rude. "Yes absolutely. I'll take whatever appointment you've got. No, I'm not busy." Harry watched as she concentrated and wheeled through to the kitchen to get a pen and wrote a note for herself. Being nosey Harry read it without waiting to be asked. "November 15th 2pm. Hospital." The word hospital had been underlined three times and she stuck it on the fridge. "That's great. I'll see you then. Thanks. Bye." Ruth put the phone down and looked at Harry confused. "Two visits in an hour?" she asked.

"Are you okay? Hospital?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she said. "They'll be… um… measuring me for a prosthesis."

"Oh."

"It needs to have had time to heal first, which is why its being given a few more weeks." Ruth shook her head to clear the thoughts running through her mind. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Callum hacked into the CIA and got the report about the bombing at the embassy. I think you should read the conclusion."

"Harry, my reading the conclusion won't change anything. I'll still be stuck here with zero balance."

"I think you should," he said in a low voice. "Please."

"Fine," Ruth said heavily. "Give it here." She snatched the papers from him and quickly read it. Then she read it again, a frown on her face. "But… I don't understand."

"The basement of the Embassy was reinforced steel and concrete," Harry said. "A remnant from the second world war. The building had been built around it in the fifties. So the rest of it wasn't designed to withstand a bomb blast."

"So, if I'd been in the main building when the bomb had gone off…"

"You most likely would be dead right now. The fatalities were… pretty high."

Ruth closed her eyes and gave him the papers back. "You're not forging this are you?"

"No Ruth," Harry said quietly. "I don't like the fact that you hate me, but I wouldn't forge something just so you thought it wasn't my fault. And I do blame myself Ruth. A lot."

"I don't hate you," she said quietly. "And no matter how much I didn't like what you were asking me to do, I'd have done it anyway. Because _you_ asked me. And I would have got the stupid computer if the building hadn't dissolved around me. As much as I'm blaming you I don't truly believe this is your fault. I'd have been in the building with Towers anyway, I'm just… angry Harry. Very angry. I'm… sorry if its directed at you. I don't mean to."

"Thank you Ruth," he said, a smile forming on his face even though he didn't feel like smiling much. "On the positive note the Gavrik's have flown back to Moscow."

"Perfect," Ruth said sarcastically. "Was it the Russians who planted a bomb in the embassy? It just says by persons unknown in the conclusion of the report. But I'd like to know who we think it is."

"It looks like a Chinese bomb," Harry said. "They don't exactly need a reason to hate America after all."

"Mm," Ruth said quietly, her analyst brain working on that.

"Would you like me to come with you to the hospital?" Harry asked.

"Hmm?" Ruth said, coming out of her reverie. Harry repeated himself carefully. He was determined not to ask if she _needed_ help, but rather to make it sound like he was asking would she want his company.

"It'll be a long process," Ruth said quietly. "And I will be a total bitch all day."

"Don't you want a prosthetic?" Harry asked.

"I do, of course I do," Ruth said. "I don't want the months of learning how to walk again. I'll lose my patience."

"Ruth, if you'll let me, I'll help you," he said, trying to tread carefully.

"No. I don't want you to feel obligated to me," she said firmly. "I can manage on my own."

"I know you can," Harry said. "I'm saying you don't have to."

"Let me think about it," Ruth said after a moment. "I will, I promise."

"Okay," Harry said. He knew enough not to push it. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye Harry," she said quietly as he left the flat.

* * *

That night when Ruth got undressed for bed she had a proper look at her stump of a leg. She'd managed to avoid looking at it for the most part when she dressed or washed, thinking of it as the remnants of a previously active lifestyle. An ugly part of her, which she wished could go back to the state it was a month ago. Now, looking at it critically she realised that it wasn't too bad. The shock was the worst thing. Looking down, expecting to see her leg and then seeing nothing but a stump. That was worse than how it actually looked. There was a surgical line along the end of her stump, where they had stitched her up, but otherwise it looked very similar to her other leg. With the fatal flaw of being far too short.

Ruth sighed and got into bed, covering herself with the duvet, thinking to herself. It didn't look too bad, but there was no avoiding the fact that she was now mutilated. What would Harry think if he ever saw her naked? "Where did that thought come from?" she said to herself. Anyway, it hadn't happened in all the years they'd already had, so it was very unlikely to happen now. Especially as she now only had three working limbs. With that very unpleasant though Ruth rolled over and tried to go to sleep.


	4. Dinner Invitation

A couple of days later Ruth was half walking, half hobbling around her flat as she put her shopping away. Tesco's delivery had been her saviour, as she wasn't entirely sure she was ready for the pointing and staring she'd get if she ventured out of the house yet. Her doorbell rang, and she grabbed her crutches and answered the door. "Come in," she said without looking, going back into the kitchen.

"You didn't even check to see who I was," Harry said with a smile. He was thrilled she was out of her wheelchair at the moment. It was lovely to see.

"You're the only person who ever comes to see me," Ruth said honestly. "Who else would it be?"

"Wow!" Harry said looking at the mess of the kitchen, food everywhere.

"I've just had a delivery," Ruth explained. "It takes a lot longer to unpack everything now."

"I'd like to take you out to dinner."

Ruth whipped around to face him, sure that she'd misheard. After almost a full minutes silence, she leaned against the kitchen counter for her balance. "Why?"

"Because I've wanted to take you out to dinner again for five years, but I've been too much of a coward to ask," Harry said honestly.

"Harry… I can't," she said in a quiet voice. Did he imagine it or was there disappointment there?

"Why?"

"Because I can't go to a restaurant," she said sadly. "I can't be the object of everyone's attention. I don't like people looking at me at the best of times. Now it'll be even worse. I can't bear it."

"Ruth, you can't hide yourself away forever," he said calmly. "Its always going to be hard, I'm not denying that. Will you think about it?"

"I want to," Ruth said quietly. "I just… I'm scared."

"Okay," Harry said with half a smile. "I've smuggled these out of Thames House by the way." For the first time Ruth noticed a thick folder in his hand. "Its nothing particularly exciting but it might keep you from going mad with boredom."

"Thank you," Ruth said, as he put them down on the counter. "I'll read them through properly."

"Well, call me if you need anything," Harry said.

"I don't **need** anything," Ruth replied, emphasising the word. "I'll call if I want to talk. Okay?"

"Fair enough. Bye Ruth." He left the house and Ruth sat down, thinking to herself. If she were honest with herself she did want to go to dinner with Harry. But she was more than a little frightened. Frightened about going on a date with Harry, and scared of going out in public with only one leg. But she would think about it.

* * *

That night Ruth was in bed, the files Harry had given her spread all around her. He'd been very thoughtful, as every case she had related in some way to ancient literature, her specialty. She felt very soft towards him at the moment, so she did something before she could regret it. She leaned across and picked up her mobile, calling Harry.

"Yes?"

"Hi Harry, its me," Ruth said quietly.

"Are you alright?" he asked instantly.

"Oh yes I'm fine," she assured him. "I've been reading the files you gave me. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, and she knew he was smiling.

"I've been thinking. About dinner."

"Please don't say no," Harry said quietly. "Just leave me a little bit of hope."

"I was going to tell you that I'd love to come," Ruth said. "Really."

"That's great," Harry said with such clear sincerity that she smiled. "I'll book a table. Anywhere in particular?"

"No, I don't care," Ruth said. "As long as I have good company, anywhere you chose is fine. So you didn't book a table before hand?"

"I wasn't sure you'd want to come," he said quietly.

"I do, I don't want people pointing and staring at me, that's all."

"Well thank you for giving me a chance anyway," Harry said quietly. "It'll be wonderful, I promise you."

"I'll hold you to that," Ruth said. "Call me when you've booked something."

"I will."

"Bye Harry." She put the phone down and felt something she hadn't felt in weeks. Well, years if she was being honest with herself. A warm glow of happiness because of a man. She hoped, dearly hoped that everything would go well.

* * *

The next day Harry called a restaurant to book a table. He spoke to the manager, demanding that the wait staff that evening would not point or stare or whisper about his date, due to her missing leg. He could do nothing about other customers, but Harry would make damn sure that she would have as good an evening as possible.

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**Okay, now on a break until mid November. Just thought I'd post something before packing and I'll write more when I get home from Athens!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Tried to get something small written for my wonderful readers...**

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Harry arrived at Ruth's feeling nervous. He had wanted to get her some flowers but thought that she might read too much into it, so he hadn't in the end. When he rang her doorbell he heard muffled noises from inside her flat. Being patient he waited until she opened the door, a minute or two later.

"Wow, you look beautiful," he said the instant he saw her. It was true but Ruth rolled her eyes.

"No I don't," she said quietly.

"You do, please don't argue with me," he said in a low voice which had her twitching her lips in amusement. She wore a long skirt, and he knew the reason why, but on her top half she wore the most revealling top he'd ever seen her in. It wasn't indecent, it was simply the fact it was Ruth wearing it. A low cut black top with a light jacket over the top. She did look gorgeous. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she said,supporting herself with her crutches. Harry could tell she was slightly uncomfortable but he said nothing. She had to understand on her own terms that this would work. Just because she had one less appendage didn't matter to him. He knew perfectly well it would take time, but he was more than willing to wait for her. After all, eight years he'd already waited for her. What was a few months more?

When they got to his car Ruth refused his help to get in, wanting to manage on her own. He didn't insist or push it, simply grateful that she was giving this a try.

Everything went perfectly fine, much to both of their private astonishment. Harry had been sure Ruth would give in halfway through their meal and Ruth had been convinced that Harry would be able to think of nothing but her leg when he was talking to her. She could read his face so well after years of working together and she knew this wasn't the case. Had it been, she would have been able to read the slightest tremor or give away on his face. But no, he was making her feel special and cherished. Something no man had done for a long time.

When they got to Ruth's house he opened the door for her and she let him. "I think I'd like you to come with me to the hospital," she said quickly, before she could change her mind. "I think I'd like you there. Unless you don't want to..."

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to come with you and support you," he said honestly. Ruth's eyes had dropped to the floor and he hated that. "Look at me." She didn't so he tilted her head upwards with his thumb. Her eyes were brimming with tears much to his surprise. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I wish I didn't have to ask you this," she said. "I wish nothing was wrong with me and that I was... well, normal."

"God I don't," Harry said quickly. She glared at him. "Wish you were normal? You're extrordinary, never in your life have you ever been merely normal. You're more than that. And there is nothing wrong with you. I will tell you that over and over until you believe me."

"But what happens when, if this continues between you and I, what happens when I can't make it up some steps? When I have to walk with a metal and plastic leg which will hurt and be so much slower that a real leg?"

"I'll help you," he said quietly. "I promise, but you have to accept it from time to time. Yes, this is a terrible thing to have happened, but I don't want you being a martyr. It would be such a waste."

"You'll tire of me," she said quietly, not letting go of her fears.

"Ruth, I've not been with a woman in fifteen years. Once my marriage fell apart I didn't look at women. Cheap flings and sordid affairs had given me nothing but trouble. In fifteen years, I've only wanted you. Do you really believe I'll tire of you?"

"Maybe not," she said, a small smile lighting up her features.

"I'm going to kiss you," he said quietly. "Please don't run."

"I won't." He smiled slightly and then leaned in, brushing his lips against her soft warm ones. A simple touch which left him aching for more. Apparently the same was true for her because she deepened the kiss, her hands wrapping in his hair tightly. Her crutches fell to the floor with a loud bang, but neither cared. He flicked his tongue over hers gently, as if asking permission and she opened her mouth wider to him as her body went against his. He could feel her breasts pressing against him and he wanted to feel them without the fabric in the way. Ruth gasped when his tongue hit a particularly sensitve spot. God, he kissed so well, she thought. Exquisitely. Perfectly. A kiss that she never wanted to end. But eventually it did have to end and when they parted they were both breathing heavily.

"You can let go," he said when he realised she was still clutching his shirt.

"I can't," she admitted quietly, a blush in her cheeks. "I've overbalanced and I... I can't." Harry didn't say anything, instead he helped her stand up straight and gave her the crutches back. "Thank you."

"I'll call you," he whispered in her ear, his fingers running through her hair slightly. He brushed his lips against hers once more, this time softly and smiled. "Bye."

"Goodbye Harry," she said. She closed her door quietly and put her hand over her mouth. What she wouldn't do to be kissed like that again from Harry Pearce...


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews everyone. Massive strikes and closures in Athens today so I had no option but to write more of this did I? Also Ruth came out a bit more confident in this chapter...**

* * *

"Where are we?" Harry asked Erin as he emreged onto a hectic grid.

"Struggling to cope with the Americans," Erin said as they walked into his office. They both knew that she wanted his job but for the time being, she worked for him and seemed happy to do so. "They want about ninety percent of our staff working on the president's visit in a fortnight."

"When's he landing?"

"Two weeks time on Wednesday," Erin said swiftly. "I think its the fourteenth."

"Its not," Harry said with a sinking heart. "Wednesday's the fifteenth and I can't be here."

"You have to," Erin said blankly. "So many assissins would love to shoot him, we can't let the security be lax, you have to be overseeing it. If he gets shot dead on our shores..."

"Not on that day I can't. I can do all the preparation beforehand, I can be here afterwards but not on Wednesday when he actually lands."

"What on earth is so important that you'll neglect the president of the USA when he lands in Britain?" Erin said bewildered.

"Ruth," Harry answered honestly. "She has a hospital appointment and I am not about to let her down. It won't matter what the reason is, she'll be disappointed in me. I can't let that happen. So I won't be here, and you'll have to run it. And liase with the CIA."

"Perfect," Erin said sarcastically.

"That's what the jobs about sometimes," Harry said firmly. "Doing things you'd rather not. If you pull this off without a hitch, I will give you the recommendation to take over my office when I'm forced into retirement in a couple of years time." That brought her up short and Erin stared at Harry, as if weighing his words. "I've lasted longer than most. I'm supposed to have died in this job and it won't be long before they force me out. And you want this job."

"I do," she said. "Is Ruth alright?"

"No. She's hurting. And she hates the fact that she'll be fitted with a prosthetic but there is nothing I can do. There's nothing anyone can do really."

"I'll handle the Americans," Erin said shortly. "And the President will be safe until you come in on Thursday, making sure his plane hasn't been hijacked for the flight home."

"Perfect," Harry said. Erin left his office and closed the door. When alone Harry sighed, needing some sustenance but knowing it was too early for a whisky. He wouldn't miss Ruth's hospital appointment for anything in the world. He couldn't put it off now that she'd actually asked for his company. But he did dearly wish that the president was arriving on a different day.

* * *

That night Harry was sitting on his sofa, relaxing after a hard day at work, his first whisky of the night in hand. He closed his eyes, enjoying the taste when his doorbell rang. "Sod off," he said under his breath, not moving a muscle. It would only be some idiot selling something or handing out leaflets or something stupid. They could go to hell. Which is why he jumped when there was a sharp rap at his living room window. He turned and was emminently shocked to see Ruth there, a shy smile on her face. He hurried to the front door, unlocked it, and let her in.

"Sorry, I thought you were some riff raff seller or something," he said as she made her slow way on her crutches into the living room. Without being asked she sat down heavily and he could see that she was tired.

"Your front steps are not amputee friendly," she said breathing heavily.

"Sorry," he said sincerely. "I'd have picked you up, or come over myself had you called."

"I wanted to do it by myself," she said, smiling. She'd managed to get a bus over to Harry's and she was rather proud of herself. She had gone out in public and the world hadn't ended. She'd received a couple of odd looks, as her missing leg was evident in her dark trousers, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. And she had been filled with hapiness that she'd managed it and not run from people's glares and stares. She hadn't been sure she'd be able to manage the journey which is why she hadn't told Harry she was coming over, just in case she bottled out.

Harry had noticed that she wasn't in a skirt but he said nothing. He didn't mention anything about it. "Why are you here?" he asked quietly. Even though he was pleased to see her he knew she wouldn't have turned up here without a reason.

"I heard on the news," Ruth said quietly. "The president's visiting."

"Yes," Harry said.

"You can miss my appointment," she said quickly. "Its fine, I understand."

"Its not fine, and I have no intention of missing it," he said swiftly. "Erin can cope. Well, she'll have to because I'll be with you."

"Do you mean that?"

"Mm, I do," he said, smiling at her in a way which reached his eyes.

"Thank you," she said. "I did try to rearrange it, but its a... specialist area so they didn't have anything for a while."

He reached across for her and held her hand gently, his thumb running over her skin. "You asked me to come. In spying I break promises and double deal and lie all the time. I'm never going to lie to you. I said I'd be there, and I will."

"Thank you," she said, her eyes glowing brightly. "Is that your first whisky?"

"Yes," he said. "Surprisingly as I've had a day of yelling at the CIA."

"Can you come here for a second?" He was slightly thrown by the soft note in her voice, but did as she asked. When he was in reach she smiled again. "Closer." Now guessing what she was thinking he smirked slightly and took another step towards her, until his legs were brushing against her knee. She smiled and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down and he brushed his lips against hers, holding back slightly.

"I know you can kiss better than that," she said almost huskily as he parted from her. He laughed quietly, and leaned back in, kissing her wonderfully. She broke off first and whispered, "Happy Birthday."

"You remembered."

"Of course I remembered," she said. "Can you help me up please?" He did, and was pleased to see that she was actually leaning on him. When she was standing she smiled at him, and he allowed himself to brush her hair away from her face. "That's better," she said. Then she leaned in and kissed him again. He didn't mind this turn of events but he was very confused as to where this new and confident Ruth had emerged from. He nipped her lip with his teeth playfully and she smiled, opening her mouth to him at the same time. His hands went around her waist, holding her close as one of hers rested on his shoulder to support herself, the other holding his face lightly, almost a caress. He waited a few moments more before slipping his fingers under the hem of her shirt, softly playing over her skin. She sighed into his mouth and he knew she was enjoying it. His hand slid to the gentle curve of her stomach, touching her warm skin softly. Ruth was starting to lose coherent thought, and then his lips left hers, instead tracing a path over her jaw and down her neck.

"Oh Harry..." she breathed as his tongue flicked over her. She could feel her heart racing and the blood thundering through her body and she closed her eyes. If he could make her feel breathless and giddy with his hands resting on her stomach and his lips on her neck, what would it feel like to make love to him? To this man who made her feel so adored. "Oh no!" she said swiftly, breaking the spell. Harry straightened up confused and then saw that she was losing her balance again. His strong hands caught her under the arms and pulled her back to standing. "I hate that I keep doing that," she said, shaking her head.

"Its fine," he said firmly. "You'll get used to your re-alligned balance."

"Will I?" she asked sadly. "I didn't want that to stop either," she admitted, almost shyly. "That felt... good."

"That was the idea," he whispered into her ear, very close to her. He bit her earlobe playfully and she shivered. She could feel his breathing against her as he stayed so close, taking in her scent. Harry was really struggling to keep himself under control here. Her presence near to him, her hands steadying herself on his arms, the smell of her hair... he could feel the beginnings of his arousal coursing through him and he drew back a little, closing his eyes and trying to stay in control.

"Harry?" her voice said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said with his eyes clamped shut still.

"Don't lie. What is it?"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just... I can't seem to keep myself under control."

He opened his eyes to Ruth's confusion and then it hit her. "Oh." She looked down for a moment where his arousal had become painfully obvious and then she did the last thing he expected. She smiled. "It's good to know you still want me," she said, leaning closer and whispering in his ear.

"Of course I want you," he said simply. "Your leg doesn't change that."

"But still, its nice to know its not just words," she said with a glitter in her eyes. "I'm not ready yet..." she added, the serious note coming back into her voice. "Not with how I am now. I'm just not."

"I would never push you into anything you didn't want," he said firmly.

"Its not that I don't want it," she said, the blush rising in her cheeks. "I do. But I've only just started to be able to look at my leg myself, so its going to take some time before..."

"Ruth, its fine," he said firmly. "Trust me, I will wait as long as it takes for you to be comfortable."

"I got you a birthday present by the way," she said sitting down on the sofa as she rummaged through her bag. "There." She handed him a gift wrapped present that was obviously a book. Of course it was a book, what else would Ruth give him? Harry unwrapped it carefully, sitting down next to her on the sofa and smiled. It was a cricket book, detailing the best and historic English victories over the past one hundred years. "Is it alright?" she asked nervously.

"Thank you, I'll enjoy reading that," he said honestly. He started to flick through it as Ruth watched him intently. He stopped at a page and paused to read it. Ruth watched as his forehead frowned in concentration and she loved watching him. At that moment with perfect clarity she knew that no matter what happened, she needed to have this man in her life.

"I love you," she said simply before she could stop herself. The book fell from Harry's hands and hit the floor as he turned to her. "I'm sorry, that just came out."

"Did you mean it?" he asked in a low murmur, his eyes catching hers.

"Of course I meant it," she said lowly.

"Then don't be sorry," he said, smiling at her with happiness. "I love you. So much."

"Really?"

"Ruth, I... there aren't words. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"Lets not test it then," she said with a smile. He leaned over her and kissed her passionately, pushing her into the sofa cushions. They stayed that way, tentatively exploring each others bodies like a couple of lovestruck teenagers. They had never felt more cherished.

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**Thank you all for the reviews so far! Makes this so worth while.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ruth is going off on her own sweet way in this fic, ignoring what I'd planned for the two of them. (Please note a change in the rating, and yes, we all know what that means...)**

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Over the next couple of weeks Harry barely got a chance to see Ruth, much to both of their annoyance. When he did, it was for a few stolen kisses before some urgent call made Harry vanish again. He didn't like the short meetings he kept having with Ruth, but he did enjoy the fervent and passionate kisses they created. Almost simmering with desperation.

Two days before Ruth's hospital appointment, Harry got home at some indecent time of night, the CIA having kept him on the phone far passed what was acceptable. He wanted to sleep for twenty four hours, preferably with a large whisky in hand. What he hadn't counted on was Ruth sitting on his doorstep. She might have been there hours.

"What are you doing here?" he asked bluntly.

"Nice to see you too," she said, a small smile spreading across her face. "I haven't been here that long," she said, correctly interpreting his silence. "I called the grid when I got here and Dimitri said you'd already left. So I thought I'd wait."

"Come in out of the cold," he said, jarring himself out of his silence.

"A little help to stand up?" she asked quietly. Harry quickly did as she asked before unlocking the door and letting them both in. He quickly typed the security code and the annoying beeping noise of the alarm ceased.

"I am thrilled to see you," he said honestly, sitting next to her on the large sofa, leaving them both with memories of the last time they'd been here together. "But why are you here?"

"I want to talk to you," she said quietly. "Its... not easy. I don't even know where to start."

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No thank you," she said quietly. "What it boils down to I guess, is that I don't want the first time you see what's left of my leg to be when I have a doctors appointment. When I'm being poked and prodded."

"Do you not want me to come?" he said, feeling let down and disappointed.

"That's not what I'm saying," she said quickly. "I do. I... don't..." She sighed heavily. "There's no easy or tactful way to say this I guess. I want you to see it before we get there. I think that's what I'm asking you."

"No," he said, shaking his head at her. "You're uncomfortable."

"Yes." She spoke simply and he felt glad that she wasn't hiding her emotions. "I'm always going to be. Its not something I ever thought I'd have to deal with. I will hate it, the first time you see my... stump." She cringed at the word. "But that won't change. We could wait ten years, and I'm still going to hate it Harry."

"Don't cry," he said, seeing her watering eyes. She sniffed slightly and tried to blink away the tears. He leaned closer to her and kissed her softly. "Please don't cry," he murmured, planting another kiss on her lips. "You're too beautiful to cry." She gave a weak chuckle at that and he gently wiped the teardrops from her face. "I understand what you want to do, but I don't have to see it."

"Please," she whispered. "I'll lose my nerve if I have to go through this again."

"Okay," he replied lowly after a long silence. "If its what you want." She nodded and he squeezed her hand tightly before she let go and rolled up her (now cut short) trouser leg. She had a compression sock on her stump, and she quickly peeled that off too. She looked at it for a moment before turning to Harry, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than she ever had before at any point in her life. However he was still looking at her face.

"Harry..." she said quietly, knowing what he was doing.

"I'm looking at the only thing that matters," he said quietly. He kissed the tip of her nose and she smiled. After a minute, he did look at the remnants of her leg, keeping his face as impassive as possible, because he could guess at the type of courage this took from her. For her to show what she considered her biggest flaw to him. Personally, he thought her biggest flaw was her stubborness, but he didn't voice that. Her leg looked smaller than he'd imagined. Much smaller. He realised that the muscle must be fading away a bit as it wasn't being used. Her skin was pale, except for the surgical scar running down the end of her stump for about four inches. It was a faded red but he could all too easily imagine how angry it must have looked when it was first done. But, even to his ammateur eye, it was healing well.

"Can I?" he asked quietly, catching her eyes for a moment. She frowned slightly and he indicated his hand, silently asking if he could touch her. This threw her for a moment, as she hadn't expected that he'd want to. She had expected him to be disgusted or repulsed, not once did it enter her head that he'd want to touch her. But after a second or two she nodded. Harry smiled at her before he gently put his palm on her outer thigh, fingers softly resting against her skin. He moved his hand up and down by a couple of inches and she sighed loudly, leaning her head back on the sofa. "Does this hurt?" he asked instantly. "Sorry, I shouldn't have." He lifted his hand from her leg instantly, surprised when she protested.

"No, don't," she said quietly. "That felt... nice. I... liked it." He could tell both that she was being honest, and that she was surprised by the fact. Harry put his hand back where it had been and started softly stroking her skin. "I didn't expect it to feel like that," she said as his hand kept moving slowly.

"Like what?" he asked, more than a little curious, his eyes now focused on her face.

"I don't know how to explain it," she said truthfully. "It feels... slightly odd, but good. I'm more sensitive than I was, I think. Yes, I think that's what it is." She closed her eyes and he smiled, thrilled that she trusted him with something this fundementally important to her. Something that made her vulnerable and exposed, and she was simply allowing him to touch her. The trust she had in him made him feel almost unworthy of her. His hand still on her leg, he kissed her. She responded after a moment of shock to his touch eagerly. When they parted she licked her lips gently. She looked almost impossibly young in that moment.

"Can you move it?" he asked quietly.

"Yes I can," she said with an overly obvious air in her voice. "They cut off my leg, they didn't remove my nerves and muscles." As if to make her point she lifted her leg suddenly and Harry jumped. He couldn't help it as that had surprised him. She laughed quietly, a grin on her face that met her eyes. He smiled at her happiness and raised his hand to her waist, the other brushing her hair off of her face gently. He took a second but then leaned in to kiss her, his body pushing against hers, quietly demanding. Her hands went to his shirt buttons as their kiss continued and she didn't even realise she was unbuttoning it until her palm slipped inside the fabric against his warm chest. At the electric touch which they both realised at the same moment, their lips parted. He watched her through surprised eyes, wondering what her next move would be. Slowly, so incredibly slowly she ran her palm further across his chest, her eyes locking on his firmly. Their gaze was so intense that neither could let go. Hazel eyes burning into blue ones and vice versa. It was breathtaking.

Ruth moved her hands to undo more of the buttons and, still looking into Harry's warm eyes she parted the fabric. Her right palm ran from his neck all the way down the front of his body, slowly and sensually, coming to a natural stop at his stomach. She may be quite a shy woman, but she knew how to make his heart race. Then, both of her hands touched him, going up his back and pulling him close. "Kiss me," she asked. He didn't wait for another invitation. He closed the gap between them in a passionate embrace, pushing her deep into the sofa cushions She didn't think she'd ever been more comfortable, Harry's solid weight pushing her into feather cushions. This was heaven. This was precious.

Harry still had his jacket on, and she was becoming irritated by its weight. Her hands couldnt roam across his back freely with that in the way. He seemed to see the problem so he straightened up and quickly removed the offending garment, leaving his shirt open for her to see. A few lines marked his chest, the remains of old scars. She caught his eyes for a second and smiled before returning to her study of him. She pulled his shirt off slowly and as he threw it to the floor his side caught the light. There was a deep and old scar on his ribcage and she couldn't help but gasp. He followed her gaze and realised what she was looking at.

"What happened?" she demanded.

"IRA," he said quietly. "A long time ago." Her finger traced it softly, all the way to the end on his back, before following the path again.

"That hurt when it was done," she said simply. A statement of fact rather than any question.

"Yes," he agreed simply. "But they wanted to kill me so I was lucky." He tilted her chin up so she looked into his eyes once more, as opposed to his marked body. "We're both lucky to be here."

She smiled at that. It was so obviously true. They both carried the scars of their personal battles over the years. There was no shame in admitting it. No shame in showing the person that you loved. Ruth made a decision in that moment, one that she should have made years ago really. She wanted to be with Harry in every way possible, and she was no longer prepared to wait. She grabbed the hem of her top and pulled it off. Harry's eyes were instantly drawn to her breasts, encased in a blue lace bra. A bra that was meant to be seen. Her skin was porcelain white and covered with goosebumps.

"Are you cold?" he asked in a hushed voice, his eyes still unable to look at her face.

"Nervous," she said quietly. "I wouldn't want to be... a disappointment."

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to," he said, once again looking at her, his palm cradling her face.

"I do want to," she said lowly. "But just in case it comes up later, I did not come over tonight for sex."

"I know," he replied. He stroked his hands slowly over her sides, fingers catching slightly on the material of her bra. He followed the line of her rib cage and his hand slid up her back, finding the clasp of her bra. He caught her eyes for a moment and she nodded slightly, giving her permission. He undid it quickly and efficiently, throwing the material to the floor. Her nipples were hard for him and he squeezed one lightly, making her gasp. Smirking, he leaned over her and caught her nipple in his mouth. He sucked gently making her cry out and arch her back for more contact. It felt incredible. His tongue going around and over her nipple, pulling her further inside his warm wet mouth.

"Don't stop," she breathed, her eyes closed. "Never stop." While his mouth was working on one, his fingers moved to the other, gently touching her flesh, making her shiver with need and want. Eventually he slowed down, and released her, his hand skimming over her body and resting on her stomach. "Why did you stop?" she complained. "Oh God."

His only answer was to stroke her skin in small circles, heading lower to the waist band of her trousers. He looked at her, question in his eyes and her answer was to kiss him passionately. As she did so, his hand snaked under the fabric of her trousers and underneath her knickers. Very slowly he touched her and he felt her breathing hitch. "Is this... okay?"

"Yes," she breathed heavily. "Don't stop." He said nothing but set a slow rhythm that had her panting under him. It had been quite a while since he had touched a woman, any woman. And it had been decades since one had meant as much as Ruth did to him. He was glad that the lack of practise didn't seem to be having an adverse effect on her. "Oh God yes, there please," she said in one quick breath. He smiled at her, even though her eyes were closed and touched her just where she'd asked. "Oh Harry..." she sighed as she came quietly. He watched as she writhed on her high for longer than he'd expected and waited contentedly as she came back down to earth. Just seeing her climax like that had been incredible. He removed his hand and gently held her waist, smiling as she opened her eyes, pupils now dialated.

"That... that was amazing," she said, eyes sparkling. He kissed her softly, with no urgency at all and then lay next to her, his head resting on her chest. "We're not finished there are we?" she asked bewildered.

Harry chuckled as he stroked her stomach absently. "I don't need anything," he said. "Whatever you want."

"Oh don't be such an idiot," Ruth said bluntly. "Of course I want you. But can we get off this sofa for anything more? I'd like to have a bit of space."

He grinned at her happily, before standing up and taking her in his arms before she could do more than squeal in protest. She wrapped her arms around his neck for some balance and he carried her upstairs. "You can be quite a gentleman when you chose to be, do you know that Harry?"

"I have my moments," he said as he pushed against his bedroom door. Ruth laughed as he closed the door with a snap before laying her on the bed. He intended to take his time tonight. He wanted her to enjoy every second of this, his fulfillment came second. That was the only thought in his mind as he gathered her in his arms.

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**I did not plan that, and even when I tried to steer it away it didn't work. Thanks for the reviews, and they'll be no chapters tomorrow as I'll be on a plane / train / packing / unpacking.**


	8. Chapter 8

Ruth awoke as the sunlight streamed in to her right, the curtains never having been closed the night before. She was naked beneath the white sheet that was wrapped around her. Harry lay next to her, still snoring gently to himself which allowed her the luxury of thinking to herself, without him asking how she was feeling. Because the truth was she didn't know. Fiddling with a strand of hair she tried to analyse what was going on inside her mind but it was all confused and tangled. She had enjoyed last night. Immensely, that she was sure of. Harry had brought her to climax three times in all, and she had felt so... exquisite in those moments that it was all she could do not to wake him up for another round.

No, two things were bothering her. Firstly she wanted to know if Harry had enjoyed it, and she couldn't ask because he'd say he had, even if it hadn't been good for him. He had moaned into her shoulder as he climaxed, so she hoped that meant he truly had loved the sex between them as much as she had. The other thing that was irritating her was the fact her crutches were still downstairs, which meant she was trapped in bed until Harry woke up to help her. She didn't want to move, but it was knowing that the option was taken away from her that annoyed her the most.

She loved Harry, deeply and with her whole heart. She loved that he'd treated her the same as any other woman with two legs. She'd loved that she felt special and precious when they'd been in the throes. So she didn't understand why she was so upset this morning. She should have been basking in a wonderful rosy afterglow, and it wasn't happening. Why?

"Mm," Harry said in his sleep, rolling over and putting his hand on her waist. "Mine..." he whispered. Ruth wondered if she should feel offended that his sleeping self was treating her like a possession, but she wasn't. In fact it made her feel right. Like she belonged to him in the same way that he belonged to her.  
As quickly and unexplained as her sadness had come, it dissipated under his touch. She rolled onto her side and his hand slid up her ribcage slightly. She looked at the clock and thought that it was a reasonable time to wake him. He had work today after all, and she would rather like a morning session after last night...

"Harry," she whispered into his ear. He stirred but didn't come awake. She smiled slightly and moved one hand under the sheet that was around him. Going further southwards, she found what she was after and lightly wrapped her hand around his penis. "You need to wake up," she whispered, her breath tickling over his ear lobe.

"Ruth?" he questioned drowsily, eyes squinting at her through the light. "What's wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?" she suggested, a glint in her eyes. Her thumb ran over him and it was at this point that he realised exactly where her hand was. He groaned at the thought that Ruth's hand was wrapped around him _there_.

"Morning," he said, pulling her in for a kiss. It was slow, lazy and wonderful, and not once did she relinquish her hold on him. "Be careful, you're touching very sensitive equipment."

She laughed, a most un-Ruth like giggle. "You've got time right?" she asked quietly. "Before work?"

"You're going to kill me," he complained sulkily. But he moved a few inches closer to her anyway, showing his willingness, and the fact that he was incredibly unlikely to say no, if Ruth was offering. He was about to say something when her thumb rubbed the head of his penis and he groaned instead, completely losing whatever it had been that was in his mind. He removed her hand gently, off of his hardening erection and rolled on top of her swiftly.

"You are devastatingly sexy when you want to be, do you know that?"

"Don't," she said, blushing red, embarrassed by his words.

"You are. Waking up with your hand there, knowing that you want me like this... well, it affects me more than words can say." He pushed his hips towards hers, making their bodies touch all along their lengths. Ruth ran her foot over the back of his knee and he shivered slightly. He tilted her chin up and they shared a passionate kiss as his other hand drifted downwards. She expected him to touch her between her thighs. She hadn't expected his focus to be what was left of her right leg. He touched her thigh softly, capturing her eyes with his, letting her know that she was beautiful, as she let him know that she trusted him completely.

After several minutes of light touches and caresses, his hand slid up her thigh and too her curls between her legs. Her head rolled backwards onto the pillows as he pushed a finger inside her. "Oh!" she cried, arching her back. She became wet almost instantly as he stroked her. After a minute of this she pulled him into a deep kiss. "I need you. Now." Never denying her, he pushed into her as she whimpered under him, her eyelids flickering gently.

"Hey, look at me," he whispered, cradling her face. She did, her eyes focusing on his slowly. "I love you."

"Doesn't count," she said, smiling lopsidedly at him. "Men tend to say stupidly sentimental things during sex."

"And women who can speak in full sentences need more of this…"

"Christ…" he chuckled at her easily as her eyes closed again and she concentrated on the feelings running through her. He stroked her hair as he brought her closer to the edge and she started writhing under him.

"I'm going to shout," she breathed heavily, unable to control herself.

"So shout out," he said, smirking at her. He thrust inside her again and she let out a high pitched scream, her fingers cutting into his shoulders as he came a few seconds later, his mouth on her neck. He collapsed on the mattress, pulling Ruth with him as they were still joined.

Eventually Harry looked at the clock and sighed. He pulled away from Ruth very reluctantly as she gasped. "Ruth I have to go."

"No, no, no," she said with her eyes shut. "You're staying here."

"Work."

"Oh. That." She sighed and sat up.

"No, you don't have to move," he said quickly. "Stay here. Sleep."

"Mm, are you sure?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," he said, kissing her hair. "I'm just going to have a shower then go okay."

"Yeah, alright," she said sleepily. "Oh wait!" she called, sitting up suddenly.

"What is it?"

"My crutches are downstairs. Can you bring them up before you go?"

"Of course," he said, kissing her again. By the time Harry was dressed and ready to go Ruth was asleep. Her hair was messy and tangled around her face, her upper body was wrapped in a white sheet, but her legs weren't covered at all. He spent a good minute watching her, a smile on his face. She really was beautiful. He felt a sense of loss for her missing leg, but for her sake more than anything else. It didn't matter to him but he knew her self confidence had taken a blow because of it. He found it incredible that they had actually slept together, because even before this she had always been reserved and with little personal confidence. But he was thrilled they had as it had exceeded his fantasies by quite a distance. He crossed the room and kissed her temple softly.

"Hmm…" she said under her breath.

"I've brought your crutches up," he said. "Go to sleep."

"Okay," she said. "Thank you."

"I love you," he whispered.

"That's good," she replied. "Love you too."

"Stay here as long as you like."

"…kay," she said, rolling over and slipping back into sleep. He smiled at her but didn't linger long. He really was late.

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That night when Harry came home he was slightly disappointed to find himself alone. He didn't really expect her to be there but it would have been a nice surprise. Going into the kitchen to male himself a tea, he found a note propped up against a bottle of Glenfiddich.

_Harry,_  
_Thank you for the lie in, I really appreciated it. I also borrowed your shower too. Hope everything went okay on the grid. Last night was amazing. I'll see you tomorrow. Love Ruth._

He smiled before dropping the note back on the counter and picking up his phone. He wanted to talk to her. "Yep?"

"Hi," he said softly.

"Harry," she said, her voice sounding happy to hear from him. "How are you?"

"Good," he said. "I've been spending the day missing you to be honest."

"Your bed's really comfortable," she said, choosing not to reply to his remark.

"Well, you look really good when you're naked in my bed too," he said. He didn't need to see her to know she'd be blushing. "I don't mean to be rude, but did you get on okay in the shower?"

"You mean because of having only one leg?" she said. "Yes," she said. "As long as I use the wall for support I'm fine. Thank you."

"Good," he said fervently. "Although, if you ever need help in the shower, you know I'd give you a hand. More than willingly."

"I'm sure," she said, her voice amused.

"What time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?" he asked.

"Er, nine ish?" she said. "My appointments at half past and the hospital isn't that far from my house, so that'll be fine."

"Okay, I'll be there," he said. "Are you looking forward to it?"

"No," she said with such firmness in her voice that Harry was surprised. "I'm going to be… oh god, I don't like the thought of being examined and measured for a metal leg."

"You know, you don't have to have a prosthetic," he said quietly. "If you don't want one and want to carry on as you are…"

"I know," she said. "But I feel like it would just be giving up and stubbornness. I at least want to give it a try. No matter how angry or wound up I get. I'm probably not going to be very… nice tomorrow."

"Don't worry," he said quietly. "Its understandable in the circumstances. I won't be offended, even if you snap at me."

"Good. I don't want to drive you off," she said quietly.

"You couldn't even if you were trying, do you hear me?" Ruth smiled at the low undercurrent of passion in his voice. "What are you thinking?" he asked as she was quiet on the phone line.

"About last night," she admitted. He knew she'd be blushing and he smiled. "How's the preparation for the presidents visit?"

"He's already here," Harry admitted quietly. "They'd planned to bomb his plane. The plans were half baked at best, but the CIA were having a panic attack. So we brought him over early, even though as far as the public is concerned he's still in the White House."

"Not tucked up safely in Collingwood House?" Ruth asked shrewdly.

"How did you know that?" he asked, his voice deathly quiet, letting her know that she'd it the nail on the head.

"Lucky guess."

"No, I'm serious Ruth," he said in his best grid voice. "How did you know that? If there's a leak somewhere I need to know about it."

"Oh calm down Harry," she said swiftly. "There were several street closures when I took a taxi home from yours," she said. "I was curious to say the least as there seemed to be a lot more police out than there should be. I used one of Malcolm's encryption techniques and got around some of the CIA security. You know I'm good at that, I always enjoyed cracking different embassies, so I got good at it. No one would have been able to get into the information except an experienced hacker, so calm down. And it wasn't mentioned by name either. I just put two and two together with the codes they were using."

"You're too intelligent for your own good, do you know that?" Harry said with a smile. "You worried me there for a moment."

"Don't worry, its not like I'm going to tell any terrorists is it?"

"How are you?"

"Exhausted," she said honestly. "I… ache in a really good way." He smiled at her even though she couldn't see him. "I hate to be one of those people, but I have to ask. Did you enjoy it last night?"

"Yes," he said simply, knowing that she needed reassurance. He guessed rightly that this was only partly because of her leg. It was more because they'd been waiting so long for that moment. For it to finally happen between them. "So very much. I wish I had the energy for another seven or eight rounds."

Ruth chuckled at him. "Well, my door's unlocked," she said quietly and almost nervously.

"You mean that?" he asked.

"Of course," she said with a smile. "If nothing else it'll take my mind off of tomorrow."

"Oh, I'm glad I have my uses," he said. She chuckled. "I'll be over in ten minutes."

"Looking forward to it," she said, a low and passionate note in her voice that he'd never heard from her before. It thrilled him that she felt this way for him. "I love you," she added.

"I love you too. See you soon."

"Bye," he said before putting the phone down. It took him perhaps sixty seconds to leave the house and get in his car. If Ruth was waiting for him, he would get there as soon as humanely possible.

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**I'm a bit nervous about writing her hospital appointment, so it might be a while before that goes up. Hope you enjoyed this update fro the time being though.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I have done a lot of research but I apologise for any inaccuracies. Also, I didn't realise how long this chapter was until I copied it into the document manager. Sorry! Enjoy anyway...**

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The next morning Harry awoke first. He felt a jolt of fear from being somewhere he didn't recognise (too long being a spook) but then his heart rate calmed down at the sight of Ruth laying next to him. She looked so free of worry when she was sleeping and it both warmed his heart and upset him. To look so carefree meant that when she was conscious she was worried. He didn't blame her and he guessed what the cause of her worry would be but it hurt him.

Pressing a light kiss to her temple, he slipped out of bed and threw on his boxers before going into the kitchen to make breakfast. The least he could do was treat her to breakfast in bed.

When the bacon had fried and he had two mugs of tea on a tray he returned to her bedroom, pleased to see that she was just stirring into wakefulness. "I've got your breakfast," he said, setting the tray on his own lap.

"Mm," Ruth said, quickly grabbing her tea. "You didn't have to treat me."

"I would have cooked you breakfast yesterday, but I was needed at work." Ruth shrugged her shoulders gently, sitting up as she took a bit of toast.

"Thank you," she said in a dull voice.

"Don't worry about today, it will be fine," he said firmly.

"I can't help but worry," she said. "What if…?"

"Ruth, it can't get worse. Its not like they're going to stop you from walking, this is to help you."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I don't like you to see me vulnerable or helpless."

"I've never seen you as helpless," he said firmly. "I do see you as vulnerable only occasionally, and I love it when you let me in instead of struggling on your own. I'm here for you, whenever you need me. I want you to remember that."

"I don't deserve you," she said. "Thank you."

"We've got an hour before we have to leave for the hospital," Harry said accurately. "Whatever shall we do in that time?" The glint in his eye and the low passionate tone he used made it clear what he was thinking. Ruth ignored this.

"I'm going to have a shower. You can do whatever you like," she teased.

"Oh really?" he said. "What would you suggest?" Ruth shrugged her shoulders as she chewed on another bit of toast and got out of bed, leaning on her crutches as she went through to the bathroom. Stark naked. Harry's jaw dropped open and he stared at the place she'd disappeared to until he heard the water running. Her confidence to do that was incredible and he gave himself a mental shake. No matter how much he admired her bum, laying in bed thinking about it wouldn't get anything done. Well, maybe for just a few more minutes...

* * *

Ruth approached the reception desk in the hospital, nervous but hiding it well. Harry could tell though. "Ruth Evershed, I have an appointment in the prosthetics department.

"Er… yep, I've got you here," the receptionist said. "If you'd like to go through to room C. Go down the corridor to your right and it's the third room there. The Doctor will be with you in a moment."

"Okay, thank you." Ruth followed the directions and Harry opened the door for her. When they entered the room, Ruth swallowed in discomfort. There were several types of prosthetic legs already on the table and Ruth could barely bring herself to even look at them. The thought that she'd be attached to one of these metal contraptions was hard to take. She sat down and averted her eyes.

"Please, don't worry," Harry said, correctly reading her silence. He kissed the back of her neck and her eyes closed before she could even think about it. His breath whispered over her skin and in that moment she never wanted his lips to leave her. Then the door opened and their brief moment of respite was broken as Harry stood up and she felt a cold wash of air against her skin.

"Hello Miss Evershed," the doctor said as he came in. "I'm Doctor Wallis as you might remember. Is it okay if I call you Ruth? We'll be working together for quite a while."

"Ruth's fine," she said briefly. "I owe you an apology."

"Forget it," the doctor said easily. "Its William."

"I'm sorry."

"What am I missing?" Harry asked.

"It seems Ruth has a very good aim with hardback books," William said making Ruth blush. She thought back to when she'd woken up in hospital after the bomb blast...

_She had been exceptionally disorientated and the pain killers they'd given her had made her feel very fuzzy and unable to think straight as she came to. The thing that had caught her attention was that Harry was not present. She was alone. Although there were a nice bouquet of pink roses on her bedside table, there was no other sign of his presence. Did he not care? Was she not worth anything? She'd only been caught up in his mess and he wasn't even there to see her?_

_As she'd been wallowing in these depressive thoughts the door opened and a Doctor came in. "Oh you're awake. That's great. How do you feel?"_

_"Tired," she said honestly, her voice hoarse from disuse. How long had she been unconscious for? "Sore and in a bit of pain. Has anyone been to visit me?" she asked, not even bothering to hide the hope in her voice._

_"Yes," he said. "One very regular visitor. He's just gone home to get a change of clothes. He said he'd be back later to see you. He's been sitting by your bedside almost non stop."_

_"Harry?" she asked. In spite of everything she needed to know that he wanted to see her. That he cared enough to want her to wake up._

_"Henry Pearce on your visitors list. Is that Harry?"_

_"Yes that's him," Ruth said, smiling slightly. He might not be here at the moment, but the fact that he'd been with her while she was unconscious meant a lot to her. More than she could form into words. "How long have I been out?"_

_"Three and a half days," the doctor said. "I need you to stay calm, because I have to tell you what happened. What do you remember?"_

_"Trapped inside a building with a bomb in it," Ruth said shortly. "And yes, I was conscious and aware the entire time."_

_"Well, when we got you here, and started to assess your injuries, we put you under immediately. You were in pain, and we needed to get you into surgery for your severe injuries."_

_"What happened?"_

_"Your right leg was completely crushed in the blast. Your femur was irreparable and you were bleeding profusely from torn muscles and internal damage. If we hadn't done something drastic, you'd have died."_

_"What did you do?" Ruth asked, a feeling of dread filling her._

_"We had to amputate. I'm so sorry."_

_"You did what!" Ruth shouted. She immediately felt under the sheets and the absence of her leg was shockingly clear. Her thigh just… ended. "What the hell were you thinking?! You removed my leg! I didn't give consent for that!"_

_"You were unable to give consent because of the extent of your injuries," the doctor said. "In that instance all we needed were two surgeons to agree on the course of treatment. It was the only thing to do to save your life. You wouldn't be here to argue the case if we hadn't done that. Please stay calm."_

_"You want me to stay calm! You hacked off my leg!_

_"I didn't personally," he said._

_"Oh so that makes everything better then!" Ruth shouted angrily. She had never been this angry, upset and desperate all at the same time._

_"Ruth, you have a great chance of walking again with a prosthetic. It's a good __amputation…"_

_"A good amputation!" she screamed at him. "My life will never be the same and you're telling me its okay because I have a good amputation?" She reached for her bedside table and the first thing her hands touched was a book. Before she could think about it, she threw it as hard as she could at the doctor where it hit his chest hard with a satisfying thump. The doctor said nothing, he put the book back on the table and left Ruth alone._

_As soon as the door closed behind him she burst into tears, one hand hovering on what was left of her leg. She couldn't believe it. Her leg had gone. Someone had taken it into their own hands and cut off her leg. A week ago it had been functioning perfectly well. And now… Her sobs were from the heart and the depths of her soul._

_By the time Harry arrived she'd locked herself away and wouldn't talk to him. Harry had hated himself that he wasn't there when she woke up. He wasn't able to comfort her when she'd learned about her loss. And that the result of that was that she had been speaking in monosyllables, until she'd come to terms with it._

* * *

Back in the present Ruth shook away the memory of that very tough time. Things were better now. She'd let Harry in, and had him by her side, which was vastly preferable to trying to cope on her own. "I am sorry," Ruth repeated.

"It fine," William said. "How are you?"

"Just want to get on with this," Ruth said honestly.

"Can I have a look?" he asked quietly. Ruth nodded and rolled up her trouser leg, showing her stump to the doctor. He felt her leg gently, but clinically, nothing like the way Harry touched her.

"This is looking really good," he said. "Minimal scarring and no swelling at all. Are you in any pain at all?"

"No. I've been off my pain killers for a couple of weeks too," she said honestly.

"We can definitely have a prosthetic fitted to this," the doctor said. "Its looking very promising."

"That's good right?"

"Yes, very good," the doctor replied.

"So which one of these is going to be mine?" Ruth asked, nodding at the table.

"We'll see which one you get on best with," he replied. "It depends on how you walk naturally as to which one of these will best fit you. Okay?"

"Right," she said quietly. She could tell it was going to be a long day.

"Now, you're not going to get your prosthetic today, but we will be fitting you and seeing which type you prefer." Ruth only nodded, at a loss for anything to say. "First I need to make a plaster cast of your stump. That means the prosthetic you get will fit you much better and last longer.

"Okay," Ruth said easily. At least that wouldn't require her to do anything than might make her fall over.

"Can you come over to the bed. Do you need some help?"

"I'll help her," Harry said in a quiet but firm voice. The doctor did not argue. Ruth put her weight on Harry as she hopped and wobbled to the table. It didn't take long for William to make a cast of her leg, but it felt even shorter with Harry whispering things to her, his voice reverberating through her as his breath tickled her earlobe. If the doctor noticed, he said nothing for which Ruth was grateful. When the cast was finished, the doctor moved to the table and picked up one prosthetic.

"I'd like to try you with this one first, if that's okay?"

"Sure," Ruth said. The doctor got two or three compression socks for her and she put them on as instructed.

"It creates a… sort of suction so the leg stays on," he explained. "Its important there's no wrinkles in the socks okay? Otherwise it won't fit properly and you'll get some skin irritation." Ruth nodded. The doctor attached her too the leg and Ruth immediately felt weighed down. It was heavier than she thought it would be.

"So what do I do now?" Ruth asked when the doctor stood back.

"Try and stand up," he said simply.

"What, it should just work?" Ruth asked bewildered.

"Well, it doesn't fit as well as your one will do," he said. "But yes, we need to see what works for you." Harry stood up and Ruth grabbed his hand tightly to try and get up.

"I'm not going to let you go," he said firmly. Ruth nodded once and pulled on his arm, getting some balance. Standing upright, she knew that all of her weight was on her existing leg, even though she was standing. It took a lot of time mentally for her to transfer even some of her weight to the metal contraption. Harry let go of her hand, his hands going to around her waist firmly.

"I am not going to let you fall," he said firmly, his voice in her ear. "Trust me."  
Ruth nodded and took a deep breath. Stretching her ill used thigh muscles she realised that the contraption on her leg was actually responding to her. She put her fake foot on the floor and very slowly lifted her real foot. "Oh! Oh I _can_ do it," she said with relief. It was only then she realised how tight Harry's grip was on her waist. She smiled at him and he kissed her briefly, completely forgetting that a doctor was in the room.

"Take another couple of steps Ruth," William said. She nodded, a little breathless.

"Harry can you not hold me so tightly?" she asked. He kept his hands on her waist, but it was more of a light reassuring touch than anything else. She took two more steps with her artificial leg and Harry stayed behind her in case she fell, but he let her go completely. She didn't notice.

"That's really good Ruth," William said, smiling. "Try and turn and walk in a different direction."

"Right," she said. She did as he asked but rotating wasn't as easy as walking forward. She wobbled and was about to go over when Harry, true to his word, caught her before she hit the floor. "That's not so easy."

"Don't worry, it takes a while to get it," William said. "Try again."

Ruth sighed heavily as Harry put her back on her feet. Three tries later she still couldn't manage it. "Okay Ruth, I'm going to try you with a different leg. See if that helps."

She sat down and Harry knew that she was becoming frustrated. "Don't worry, it was never going to be easy."

"Harry, I love you but shut up." Wisely he kept his mouth shut. The doctor quickly detached her and put the next one on her stump. It was much lighter than the previous one but she couldn't stand up with it and it felt all wrong. Her balance was even worse than when she didn't have anything on her leg and her temper was flaring. The third one was somewhere in between. Once she was standing she found walking was easier. When the doctor asked her to turn again, she managed it. Slowly, but she managed it. When she did, she saw Harry watching from the other side of the room.

"You're supposed to be making sure I stay upright," she said critically.

"You weren't going to fall," he said simply, smiling at her. She smiled back and slowly made her way across the room to him. When she got there he wrapped his arms gently around her.

"I love you," she said quietly.

"Good to know," he said, dipping his head to kiss her passionately, tongue flicking over her lips. They were just getting involved in the deep embrace when there was an embarrassed cough from the other side of the room. Ruth blushed as they broke apart but said nothing.

"That's the one isn't it?" the doctor said.

"Yeah I think it is," Ruth said.

"Do you want to try the other ones?"

"No, I don't. It'll just frustrate me," she said. "This one… feels right."

"Okay. I need to take some measurements from you then. We'll have your leg made in about three weeks."

"That long?" Harry asked.

"Well, its custom made," the doctor said apologising. "There's nothing we can do about that. But if you want to practise and strengthen your muscles, you can take that one home for the time being."

"Really?"

"Yeah of course," he said. "I'll need it back when your fitted one comes in." Ruth nodded. "I wouldn't walk on it for too long as it might aggravate your skin as its not moulded to your body. No more than an hour or two at a time. When you get your custom one, then you can wear it for much longer periods of time, especially when you get used to it." For about ten minutes the doctor took some measurements, including her height and the length of her existing leg before he smiled at her and said that was all he needed for the day.

"Thank you," Ruth said sincerely. She sat down to take the leg off and Harry looked at her curiously. "I'll practise at home," she said in explanation. "If I'm going to fall flat on my face, I want to do it in privacy, not on a London street."

"Fair enough," Harry said, smiling at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said. "I am. Can you carry that to the car for me?" Harry nodded and kissed her cheek briefly.

"When will I next see you?" Ruth asked the doctor.

"I'll call you when we have the leg," he said. "Around the third of December I expect."

"Okay."

"Do practise Ruth," he said. "Your muscles need to get used to it."

"I will," she said honestly. "Thank you." Using her crutches to stand up, they left the hospital, and Ruth thought that had gone better than she had anticipated.

* * *

That night when Ruth was alone, she fixed the leg to her stump, wanting to try without Harry watching her. It was wonderful having someone to support her, but if she made a fool of herself when alone, it didn't matter. Once attached, she got up only slightly wobbly and walked into the kitchen and back. It wasn't that difficult, but it did expend a lot of energy. She wondered if it would get less draining with time, because if it kept costing her that much energy she may as well stick to her crutches. Going back into the kitchen, she made herself some beans on toast, wondering if it would hurt to be standing on her artificial leg for more than a few seconds.

It didn't hurt exactly, but it did become quite uncomfortable. Ruth assumed this was because this leg wasn't fitted to her leg as precisely as her one would be. When she finished eating the phone rang. She managed to reach it before it clicked through to answer phone and was not all that surprised to hear Harry greeting her. "How are you?" he asked.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I know you Ruth, I know you'll want to try out your prosthetic in private," he said softly.

"Yes. Well, I'm fine," she said, lowering herself to sit on the sofa. Now that she was sat down, she removed her leg, the phone wedged between her shoulder and her ear. "It seems to work quite well actually. I'm… a bit relieved."

"Good," Harry said. "Would you like to go to dinner tomorrow?"

"Yes," she said without thinking about it. Harry asking her out? The answer had to be yes.

"Oh, right."

"Did you not expect me to say yes?" she said confused.

"Yes I did," he said. "I thought you might need a little… persuasion."

"No I don't," she said easily. "Where are we going?"

"Where would you like to go?"

"Somewhere that does decent Italian," Ruth suggested. "I haven't had Italian in ages. Please?"

"I'll do my best," he said in a low voice that made her shiver.

"How did the presidential visit go?" Ruth asked, trying to take the topic onto safer ground.

"Good. He's flying out tomorrow morning. We'll be celebrating no assassination attempt."

"Don't speak too soon," Ruth warned. "There's still… twelve hours left to go for some psychopath to catch hold of him."

"There's positive thinking," he said sarcastically. Ruth smiled. "I miss you."

"You saw me only a few hours ago," Ruth said.

"Well, I like it when you're in my bed," he admitted.

"What, so that there's a decent chance of you getting a shag?" Ruth asked before she could put her brain in gear.

"No, not at all," he said, a little offended. "Because you look so right. And it feels right waking up next to you, that's why."

"Sorry," Ruth said a little mollified. "I like waking up next to you too. It feels… nice."

"Nice?"

"Well, that's a weak word, but that is how it feels. Nice."

"I love you."

"That's code for I'm going to hang up now," Ruth replied accurately.

"Yes," he said swiftly. "I have to be up at four tomorrow. FBI, CIA… every American institution with three letters needs updates from me. I can't wait until we're dealing with the good old Russians and the Chinese. Especially as the US are meant to be our allies."

"Goodnight Harry," she said quietly. "I love you too."

"See you tomorrow," he said softly before putting the phone down, a feeling of hope and longing filling him.

* * *

**I don't exactly know where to take it from here! Eek! Thanks for reading, and a big thank you if you're kind enough to leave a review. :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Remember this is M rated. Enjoy!**

* * *

When Harry went to pick her up the next night, he was nervous and he didn't know why. Shaking it off, he rang the doorbell. "Its open!" she called. Not liking the fact that she'd left her door unlocked, he went into her flat and found her in the lounge. He paused at the doorway, as she was attaching her prosthetic leg, and he didn't know if she'd mind him watching. "You can come in," she said without looking up.

"How is… how are you with your leg?" he asked tentatively.

"Getting used to it," she said honestly. "Its not nearly as easy as having one made of flesh and blood, but it does do the job. I thought I'd give it a try tonight."

"Good," Harry said, smiling at her. He leaned over her and kissed her head briefly while she was occupied. She smiled at him for a moment before returning her concentration to her leg.

"Sorry, it takes me a long time," she said, feeling like she was holding things up.

"It doesn't matter," Harry said. "And you'll get quicker at it. When you're used to it."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "That's it," she added a moment later. "Can you help me get up?" Harry nodded and did as she'd asked. "I can walk with it, just getting up seems to be a bit of a pain at the moment."

"It will get easier," he said firmly, setting her on her feet.

"I know." Once standing she let go of Harry, nervously at first, but then gaining confidence. "Where are we going?" Harry smiled at her eagerness, very much looking forward to the evening.

* * *

Their dessert had come and gone but neither of them had any desire to leave the restaurant. Their hands were linked across the table doing a gentle and sensual dance, fingertips over skin in a way which was almost too private for a restaurant. It hadn't been an Italian restaurant Ruth had asked for, but they did do an amazing linguini, so Ruth had been happy. Harry always did his best to make her happy. "Oh I love this song." The way you look tonight, by Frank Sinatra was playing and Harry made a mental note to remember that about her. It might come in useful in the future.

"I'd like to dance with you one day," Harry said. "When you're comfortable. I've always wanted to dance with you and never had the opportunity."

"Maybe one day," she said, still smiling at him. "As long as its slow."

"I'll make sure," he said. "Do you want another glass of wine?"

"Mm, yes, I think I will." His hand left hers as he poured the rest of the bottle into her glass, but her eyes never left his face. When he wanted to be, he could be so charming and incredibly attractive. And she loved the fact that with her, he did want to be those things. "I love you," she said simply as his hand returned to hers.

"I love you too," he said, smiling warmly at her. "Now let me get you good and drunk."

"You're already doing a good job of it," she said, taking a sip of her white wine. Harry watched her intently and wondered why this beautiful creature would ever want him. But she did. It didn't matter what they'd been through, it didn't matter how bruised and broken they were, together they worked, and were there for each other more than they thought possible. He loved her with all his heart. As the thought crossed his mind, he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. She looked down for a moment, pleased but slightly embarrassed, before looking into his gorgeous hazel eyes. "Bed?" she suggested quietly.

"I'll pay the bill," he said, showing more eagerness than she'd anticipated and she laughed at him, releasing his palm reluctantly.

* * *

When home without saying a word, Harry followed Ruth through to her bedroom. He didn't need to ask, because he knew from her body language that she wanted him there. Ruth collapsed on the bed, tired but happy and for the first time he wondered how exhausting her fake leg must be for her. "Can you help me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Of course." He sat down next to her and then looked blankly at her leg. "What to I do? Tell me what to do." Ruth smiled and reached down for her thigh, without sitting up.  
"Run your fingers around the ridge. Where the leg meets me," she said demonstrating. "Its an airtight seal, you have to break it. No, deeper than that," she said. He did as he was told and suddenly the top of the artificial leg lost its tightness with a small hiss of air. "Now yank it off."

"You want me to yank your leg off?" Harry questioned amused.

"Yeah," she said. "You have to really pull it." He did as she asked and it came away from her after he'd given it a good pull. He propped it up by the bed as she lay there, and then removed the prosthetic socks she wore for a better fit. She sighed heavily as her bare skin was revealed and Harry saw a couple of red patches on her stump. He ran his fingers lightly over her and she groaned.

"Sorry, does that hurt?"

"It just aches," she said. "Its quite a heavy thing to be hauling around, especially when it doesn't fit me properly. Don't stop, please Harry," she added, her eyes sparkling at him slightly in the dim light from her bedside lamp. He continued to rub her leg, gently. It didn't take long for the red patches to fade and his hand snaked its way up her skirt, fingers working their way under her knickers.

"You're not behaving," she said.

"No. I'm not."

"Well, if you're going to misbehave, at least bring your head closer to mine," she said, grinning at him. "I want a proper kiss."

He was only too happy to oblige. He lay on top of her, his weight braced on his arms as he kissed her, his tongue delving into her sweetness. She tasted of white wine, chocolate and desire. As they kissed, their hands started to slowly and clumsily unbutton each others shirts. They weren't getting very far so they broke apart laughing, and looked down to make the task easier. When Ruth had peeled off her blouse Harry groaned. Her bra was a deep dark red silk edged with black lace, making her skin look even more porcelain and precious than usual. It was a bra that was meant to be seen. She had worn this in the knowledge that he would be the man to see it and take it off of her. The thought had him reigning in his self control with difficulty.

"Harry?" His eyes returned to her face and he saw that she looked nervous and slightly worried.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered. "Don't let anyone ever make you feel any other way." She smiled at him for a moment before he kissed her deeply and slowly, his hands lingering on her waist. After a minute, his hands slipped lower, trying to find the zip on her skirt as Ruth pulled his shirt off. Her hands travelled slowly and sensually over his skin, making him want her even more.

"Roll over," she whispered, a glint of determination in her eyes. He didn't argue with her and did as she asked. Ruth took her skirt off quickly and then rolled on top of him, balancing with one hand on the bed as she kissed him passionately. "I want you."

"So demanding," he teased as his fingers went up her spine making her shiver. "All you ever had to do was ask."

"Mm," she said, her eyes alight with passion as her fingers went to his belt. She kept looking in his eyes as she undressed him slowly. His hands wandered over her body slowly, loving how she looked wearing only her underwear. Harry reached up and removed her bra, the fabric leaving her body and revealing her beautiful breasts and her hard nipples to him.

"You are beautiful," he said, aware that he was repeating himself. He didn't care. She leaned over him and kissed him softly as his hands went to her knickers, wanting to feel her skin on his everywhere. He squeezed her bum lightly and she rocked her hips against his body, feeling his erection against her lower stomach. She lifted herself up and pushed her onto him with a groan low in her throat. He felt so unbelievably good inside of her that she threw her head back and closed her eyes, concentrating on the sensations between them. She moved herself on him, slowly and he let her, knowing she needed to do this at her own speed.

He was amazed at her. He thought it would take her months before she felt comfortable enough to be on top of him like this. To be the one in control. The fact she felt comfortable with him made his head spin for a moment, especially when she started rolling her hips, making his entire body feel electrified.

"Oh God Harry…"

"Come here," he whispered, his voice more than a little broken. Her warmth around him, her tightness had him struggling to keep his climax at bay. How he got so near so quickly with her was incredible to him. She leaned over him, moaning as he kissed every part of her skin he could reach. "I love you."

"Mm," she agreed quietly.

"Glad to know its heartfelt," Harry said sarcastically at the same moment his hand found her clitoris and she bucked on top of him.

"I can't hold on," she admitted.

"Then don't," he replied, stroking her hair.

"Oh God," she moaned, moving on top of him as quickly as she could, one hand on his chest for balance. He could feel her getting close, so he brushed his thumb over her clitoris quickly and she screamed as she climaxed. Her tightening muscles around him pushed him over the edge and he groaned for a moment before she collapsed on top of him. Their union had barely lasted five minutes but they were both spent.

When Harry came to, he was surprised to see Ruth shaking. "Are you alright?" he asked concerned.

"Mm," she murmured. She pulled away from him, grabbing the duvet and covering them both. "Just trying to find some energy to move." Harry smiled at her and kissed her hair, his arms around her to keep her close. "I've been thinking."

"Why does that worry me?" he asked quietly.

"I think I'd like to come back to work," she said quietly. "Not full time, but a couple of days a week."

"Are you sure?"

"I know it'll be complicated with the way I left and the paperwork will probably destroy a couple of trees, and it'll give you a headache."

"Don't worry about that," he said firmly. "I'm just concerned I never thought you'd come back to Thames House."

"Well, what else am I doing?" Ruth said honestly. "Learning to walk and staring at the same four walls all the time? I'm not doing anything around the house Harry. At Thames House I felt like I mattered."

"You did matter," he said firmly. "You do matter. I just want to make sure you've thought this through."

"Do you not want me there?" she asked, reading his silence.

"Of course I do," Harry said. "I hate spending any time away from you."

"Maybe a couple of days a week," she said. "I mean, I'm getting an awful lot of money for my leg from the government. Compensation. I don't need to work. But I'd like to do something."

"I'll get started on the paperwork then," he said. "Now can we think of something better than work?"

"Hmm?" His hand drifted to her breasts and she got the point very quickly. "You have a one track mind Harry."

"No I don't," he said, indignant. "I'm in bed with a naked you. Can you blame me?"

"Harry, shut up," she said firmly, pulling him in for a kiss. He did shut up. There were more important things to be doing with his mouth anyway.

* * *

**I might leave this fic tied up here. Not sure yet, thank you for reading and I'd love a final review. Thank you.**


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